Dear Forrest Gumps Mother,
Life is not like a fucking box of chocolates and quite frankly you know what to expect. So far life has a pretty even split between “wtf is this shit” and “happiness”. On any given day I can pretty much predict that at some point I’m going to want to flip out or hit something.
Love,
90% of the world
All joking aside it seems like I’ve come to a crossroads in my life where I’ve had to decide what the difference is between the big things and the small things in life are. This is kind of a “half empty” or “half full” debate going on inside of my mind. For instance you wake up in the morning and straight slam your toe into a wall. Well your bleeding all over the fucking carpet wondering how the hell your day is already shot to shit at 6am. The initial reaction in most people goes something like that. Shouldn’t we be happy that we had a place to bump our toe, a job to be getting up to, or legs to walk around blindly into walls with?
Earlier this week I was contacted and told one of the people we hung out some with in college died in a car accident earlier that week. His fiance, himself, and his 6 day old baby were hit by a train. Pretty much if you took the definition of awful and wrote a story about it you got this situation. They were taking their fucking 6 day old baby to get a check-up. Not sure how that affects everyone else but I have 2 kids and that makes me want to cry. In all honesty since I’ve become a father I’ve calmed down 200% on my activities and what I would call a level of danger in my life. That has always made me feel alittle more secure about hanging around for my kids. My dad died when I was 13 and it was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. It really took years for me to get over it and since I’ve had my own boys its seemed to come up again. My dad was in a wheelchair for 2 years before he died and in hospitals for longer than that. Most of the stuff normal kids learned from their dads I learned from my own mistakes so its very hard for me to envision how to teach my kids things and have that true idea of how to be a good father. My father did tell me something and this was coming from a man that lost all power in his body but had the strongest mind of anyone I’ve ever met. He said “appreciate every day you have here”. I may not know exactly what to do for my children all the time but I know I need to do something.
Anyways I just took a 200 word tangent and I apologize to anyone reading this shit its mostly just a rambling as usual. But back to the point…..Life can stop at any point for any one of us and theres not a whole lot we can do to control it so where do we cut these lines of overall happiness and whats really happening in your life. Are we dicks if we don’t think about how lucky we are to walk? The answer is probably yes but do most of us think that way? NOPE! If I look at my life on paper I might be one of the luckiest guys period. I have a great job, a beautiful wife, and 2 great kids. On the flipside of that I’m probably one of the bipolar mother fuckers ever. I’m not saying that in a serious need medication kind of way but I def have my mood swings and it doesn’t take alot to piss me off.
After alot of thought I’ve become a lil more determined to accomplish some of the things I really want in life and I’m going to try and reach some of those long term goals. Some of you are probably sitting there saying O jesus christ heres another sloppy fucking reborn bullshit though process. Well I’m going to throw a twist in there and this is my spin on this. From here out I vow to myself to live life to the fullest. Thats not a “I’m going to enjoy everything” comment thats a “I’m going to live life” comment. Whats the difference? IMHO the full range of emotions are a part of the life. Fuck appreciating the leg……..I want to appreciate the emotion of being angry, I want to flip out when that toe is bleeding, and I want to feel the pain in life because if you don’t all of those great moments will start to lose that feeling of greatness.
