Cory Burell

Just to give everyone a slightly skewed piece of history we’ll start with a lesson on hippies. Now while this may not be 100% objective its fairly factual. In the 60′s universities actually studied lsd by giving it out to students and began a generation of mind explorers. The Haight Ashbury community outside of San Fransisco became a haven for these people. Bus tours traveled the US in the forms of “Acid parties” which had bands play such as the dead, etc. These were supposed to be safe places to trip and also turned into the modern day version of a 10 hour orgy. These people insisted that the mind could be expanded and that their was more to life. We all needed to expand our minds and not do shit else but fuck. Groups began to feed these people and community housing (basically free shitholes) came about. Super idea imho. Lets not work, get high, and sleep in a bed that 10 other people had fucked in that same day. It doesn’t sound fucking sick to me.

So after awhile this whole thing caught on around the country and people started bussing in. Well there goes the fun right? Nope not a chance…….now we’ll just have more sex and less food but the drugs will keep it real. In 1971 the drug lsd was made an illegal substance and the hippies were struck a solid blow. Today we have the wannabe hippies. Like their moms were lil whores getting her salad toosed around by 15 guys also on drugs who hadn’t showered in a week and now they wanted to be just like her. Look girls if you want to slut it up for drugs get into corporate America. The coke is better, people shower, and you get a benz at the end of the day not a 20 year old honda with a grateful dead bumper sticker.

Now don’t get me wrong people I love me some phish and the dead but its just the fucking people that kill me. In my mind you had your fucking chance to take over the world with your filth and you failed. In my mind dictatorship is one step above the hippy thought process. Lets say you have 20k people in a small town. 19000 of them take the day and tripp balls and get laid. Sweet! 12 hours passes and now they are all fucking hungry. “DUDE WHERES THE FOOD MAN?”. Well there is none. No one was making any money to buy it, no one was working to produce it, and no one was even there to cook it. You were just all too god damned stoned. Now you live in room with 15 other people with nothing to show but a fucking cot……CONGRATS! Half of you reading this are calling me either

A) a moron

or

B) a psycho

Well B maybe true but A was still part of the history lesson. It all happened. Hippies pushing an their agenda is the equivilent of someone calling for the second rising of the nazi’s. No one likes a fucking nazi unless you are one so why like a fucking hippy. I mean hell they even smell worse than a nazi. Me personally I don’t wanna live in Pot land or acidland or wherever the fucking your capital is so get the shit out of here.

Why can’t you shower? Are you afraid of wasting water?

Why can’t you wear something thats not tie dyed? Tie Dye is only funny 2 hours into a tripp and unless you are on drugs its ugly as shit.

Btw I don’t think its a fucking coincidence that hippies rode in vw bugs. They were the new version of nazis and wanted to pimp out the german badge. So in closing if you are a hippy please remember………you’ve already failed, you are not in 1960, and no one is going to feed or house your ass when you turn into a useless fuck.  Thanks and have a great day!

So one of my guys gets an email from our regional manager today. Quite the all star in his presentation. Do you think people could take the 2 seconds to read their own outgoing mail just to spot check? Or maybe just learn english?

Copy of one email. Superb!

Email one of my guys gets today.

*&*&g,

this is the schedule we put together last time I was there. I pass this on to *&#@. Are you completed with this tasks? I need to know if you are done, what you are currently working on and what are planning to work next week.

The mother fucker even fucked up his sig in his emails. HOW DO YOU FUCK UP THE NAME OF YOUR POSITION IN A COMPANY? FUCK!

I mean focus here people. I may have never met you before in my life and only know you by your emails.

So today I’m just minding my own business at work and all of a sudden that Russian Reuban isn’t sitting too hot. Now lets face it…..when you go out or are at work you don’t want to take a shit. I prefer what I call a “pleasure shit”. This is when you pull out your favorite magazine and just get to relax the shit away. But anyways back to topic. Well I decided there was no holding it for that last hour and slowly waddled my way to the bathroom. Guess I’d been brewing up something special and that bastard was huge. I mean theres bass fishermen that would have been proud to have that SOB on the end of their line. So the uh oh hits me. I have this problem where everytime I take a dump in public I manage to clog a toilet. Normally I couldn’t give a crap (pun intended) but I was at work and its generally a rule of thumb to not completely destroy your only bathroom. A prayer to God could be heard when that second flush sent that bad boy away instead of flooding over the john. So my question is…………Why do public toilets suck? I mean I understand this saving water stuff with the high efficiancy toilets but NO ONE takes a public shit unless its a monster. I personally vote for Mens bathrooms to have high flow cans. It would avoid constant overflows, clogs, and quite frankly I just like the wind rushing over my ass when I flush a fucking monster shitcan. Women don’t take shits in my mind anyways so fuck them. They can sit on one of these toy shitters that you see and I will sit on my 42 gallon throne.

Ps: go hug a tree

I would highly recommend this to a few individuals. A few of us married guys have talked over and over again about the mistakes guys make. Granted we aren’t perfect but we eat, breathe, and shit a 24-7 relationship. Recently a friend of ours has gotten back together with his ex. Now first off there is usually a reason a woman is an ex and you have to remember that. Somewhere in your mind you found a pretty good reason for that relationship to end in the first place so why go down the road again. There is only 3 possible answers to that question.

1) You are running dry on strange- Your penis requires a cave to sleep in and 5 finger sally is sick of your bullshit.

2) You broke up for alternative strange and now that strange is gone/tainted- You thought you could do better but well it didnt work out.

3) You have resolved the issues that caused the downfall of the relationship- I commonly found myself rationalizing a reunion because I felt the issues were resolved when in actuality I just fucking forgot how bad it really was.

Now back to the story. The guy breaks up with the girl and now they are back together. Reasons for break up:

1) no time for friends

2) distance

3) not sure but Im sure there was more than 2.

So they get back together and whoops yet again no time for friends. Lots of weak ass excuses come into play and he’s back to square 1. The second is solved by her moving in with him. SHEW thats a great idea. Take the girl you just broke up with and move in with her……….BRILLIANT. I mean come on guys how about you use that fucking brain that is 3 feet above your dick instead of the common mistake which is to actually think WITH YOUR DICK.

BRO’S BEFORE HO’S

Its a simple principle. Your friends will be there for you forever but bitches (other than your wife) will come and go. If you get married or have a live in girlfriend there is a realization that you have to come to. THAT PERSON IS GOING TO BE THERE FOR A LONG FUCKING TIME. You will burnout and there will be arguments that will eventually lead to the demise of the relationship so grow a fucking sack and say “HEY BITCH I’M GOING OUT”.

I guess my point is that its ok to think with your dick in bed but think with your head the rest of the time and remember the friends you have.

I’m sitting in the car about two weeks ago and “Dixieland Delight” comes on the radio. I know everyone is thinking “wtf you redneck?” but anyways………blow me. So anyways that song always takes me back to greenville and 519 at around 2am when your legs might be there or they might not, but you cant feel a thing but the music and the light. A week later I got a hankering to return to the old stomping grounds for a night. Took off out of Wilimington and headed to greenville for dinner. I joined a few people for a drink or two. It seemed like I remembered these people to be alot more interesting than they actually were. Maybe I was just drunk all the time and they didn’t sit well with my soberness. Well that was later proved to be a fact b/c by 12 I was having a fucking blast. After a few hours of sobering up I got back in the truck and headed home. Well on that hour and a half ride back I got to thinking………………Why did I miss any of that? All I really did that entire night was get plastered and sit around bullshitting. I do that every friday night with some buddies in Raleigh without getting completely hammered and still have fun. I think the past is the past for a reason. If it were the present you’d have a clear view on how shitty it was lol. Two years ago I was living in a shitty ass townhouse, wearing cheap unwashed clothes, and living in what I would now consider “the ghetto”. I think if I returned to that style of life I would hate it. Maybe I am just becoming more shallow but I like nicer things now. Theres just something about a clean bed with a nice nautica comforter that doesn’t smell like regurgatated beer or coming home to my wife and son. Sometimes I could pull my hair out but I love both of them to death and I probably don’t deserve them at all so I guess I’m the luckiest guy out there in my mind. So maybe all the reflecting we do about the past is just disillusioned and we have it better at the present time than we ever have. I mean life is a giant learning curve so why wouldn’t it get better with age. I might not be a fine wine but cheese is supposed to be better aged too. So when we talk all great about the past lets try and see how good the present is.

So can I ask a simple question……………WHERE’S my service? Today I go out to eat with some people from work expecting to enjoy a good meal. We sit down for about 15 minutes without a simple drink order, menus, or even a “hey I fucking work here”. Our food came out about 45 minutes after we got there and it was absolutely terrible. We start talking and what was once our favorite lunch spot has gone completely downhill. When you start talking about bad service everyone has a horror story but it was like the stories never stopped. Most of you have met me and know I love to bitch but this was coming from some very soft spoken people. So what has happened to service. I could sit here and ponder it for hours and try to come up with some nice elaborate theory on why this is but I have a few simple ideas.

1) tolerance- Somehow these people have jobs. FIRE THE FUCKERS. If its the person running the place then boycott the place and let the economical darwin step in. If its a waiter tell the manager, and if the manager “isn’t there” then walk outside and inform people walking in that the service/food fucking sucks. It may sound crude but really aren’t you just saving someone else from the experience you just had. If someone doesn’t stand up and say “why?” then it will just continue and thats why it is this bad to begin with.

2)Education- Don’t get me wrong here I am all for education but it seems like these days people portray to the uneducated that are not going anywhere to begin with. So why would someone strive to be above average if they are constantly being slammed for a lack of education. I’m not saying that the entire service is bad nor that the entire industry is uneducated. In fact I think that alot of people who work in the industry are in school. Do these people think they are too good to serve food or are they just potheads?

3)WYD- WTF IS WYD? WYD is a theory that I have. I feel that the “yankee” nation is secretly building up its forces and infiltrating our “southern hospitality”. I grew up on sweet tea and grits and for the most part they were always served with a smile. I now live in the Cary area which is more commonly referred to as The Yankee Transplant Area. I don’t like the attitude that comes from the north. I don’t get short with people for no reason so why exactly do some of these “transplants” feel it must be done? I just don’t get it and honestly I don’t want to. I think anyone from NYC should be personality tested before they are allowed below the bible belt.

Basically all I want is hot food, a fucking smile, and a full class of tea. If you can’t give me that then don’t get out of bed. I can’t walk into work and say “hey I think I’m gonna do everything half assed today” and still walk out with a job so why can these people. There is a massive amount of jobless people out there who would kill to work so why are the unappreciative working?

I apologize ahead of time if this post is long winded. I was recently out of town and decided to have a beer with a friend. I’ve known this guy for a few years and while on the quirky side he is generally a really good person. His friends are alittle on the weird side but who doesn’t have a few strange friends. Something was said that really twerked me as some sissy shit to say and I responded with a “dude that was pretty gay”. I turn around and all of a sudden I can feel 2 eyes peircing my skull like a buckshot into a watermelon. Excuse my description but it was a black guy around 5’10″ and was wearing a fairly “light in the loafers” attire. This guy starts shaking his head in disrespect. After back and forth banter over showing some respect I retire to the bar just thinking the guy was retardedly drunk or just shot up alil too much EMO that night. Turns out the guy is gay and took offense to my comment.

I know this really isn’t a race ordeal yet so please bare with me I’m getting there. The guy that I originally showed up to have a beer with joins me at the bar and alerts me that the guy is just sensitive and because he is part of two minorities he just gets tired of it. As the trivia board says……………..HERE WE GO. Why would you think about your race/sexual orientation as a deciding factor on how you conduct your everyday life. I don’t consider my sexual orientation nor my race a part of my personality or my behavior. I’m straight and white. Maybe that makes me the “norm” but its who I am. If I was black and gay I doubt you would know just by talking to me (obviously disregarding the obvious……hey Im black now statement). People pick out gay people by actions not pure personality. No where in your basic inherit personality does it say to stick your pinkey in the air. As for being black well shit a large majority of places you are the “norm”. So we get down to the basic principle that people overreact to their own insecurities about who they are and what they do. Again with that said I am white and straight so maybe its different but I dont ever recall having to struggle with who I am. If you struggle with yourself thats just a personal problem and you can keep that shit in the closet (pun intended).

So back to the main topic. We’ve concluded that being black shouldn’t be a mindset but mearly a history. I dont walk around hating people because I’m Irish. “JESUS THE IRISH WERE OPPRESSED. Damn drunken Irish and their fucking potatos”. You just dont hear it. So why exactly when I turn on my TV is there a BET? I know its a typical comeback but where the fuck is the WET? Everytime I turn around it seems like some member of the black community is raising hell over a race issue. Al SHARPTON CAN SUCK MY FUCKING DICK. RDU was just the center of the Duke lacrosse issue. All of a sudden a rape was a race issue. Yes I know there was some alleged “racial comments” made torwards the girl, but come on………..what girl isnt raped without some sort of taunting. In my personal opinion I would rather be called a race than a slut or peice of shit. I’m proud of who I am so why is calling someone “black” a reason to go up in arms. We have the NAACP raising hell at any cost, minorities getting into schools without proper qualifications, and the same going on with jobs. As a person I wouldn’t want my “race” to be perceived in any fashion to be unequally evauluated. You have a few people given oppourtunities they don’t deserve and an overall judgement of those people is probably going to follow. Maybe saying that within this post is a piece of hypocricy but o well its how it is. Why is it that the only people who won’t call all this race bullshit ended is the african american population. I don’t see asians screaming out for more jobs, education, and etc and quite honestly yes there are some racist white people, but it seems the whites outcry is more focused around what I like to call “the new racism”. This encompasses all the problems I addressed above.

I just want to wake up tommorow and everyone be one fucking color. That way if you are lazy or judgemental you could just be ignored without the idle ramblings of race. If you are poor you can work harder. If you are borderline retarded then you are probably gonna be doing manual labor. I did manual labor for years and it honestly doesnt pay that bad. If you are intelligent there would be nothing there to stop you from whatever you wanted to do in life but yourself. So tommorow why don’t we one at a time start seeing gray, blue, green……………….shit just pick a fucking color and stick with it.