Cory Burell

So today I’m just minding my own business at work and all of a sudden that Russian Reuban isn’t sitting too hot. Now lets face it…..when you go out or are at work you don’t want to take a shit. I prefer what I call a “pleasure shit”. This is when you pull out your favorite magazine and just get to relax the shit away. But anyways back to topic. Well I decided there was no holding it for that last hour and slowly waddled my way to the bathroom. Guess I’d been brewing up something special and that bastard was huge. I mean theres bass fishermen that would have been proud to have that SOB on the end of their line. So the uh oh hits me. I have this problem where everytime I take a dump in public I manage to clog a toilet. Normally I couldn’t give a crap (pun intended) but I was at work and its generally a rule of thumb to not completely destroy your only bathroom. A prayer to God could be heard when that second flush sent that bad boy away instead of flooding over the john. So my question is…………Why do public toilets suck? I mean I understand this saving water stuff with the high efficiancy toilets but NO ONE takes a public shit unless its a monster. I personally vote for Mens bathrooms to have high flow cans. It would avoid constant overflows, clogs, and quite frankly I just like the wind rushing over my ass when I flush a fucking monster shitcan. Women don’t take shits in my mind anyways so fuck them. They can sit on one of these toy shitters that you see and I will sit on my 42 gallon throne.

Ps: go hug a tree

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Yes we have another new arrival in the family. I like to call him “negro grande”. This was originally meant to replace my wife but I couldn’t fit it into the bedroom and I’m not much into public sex

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Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That’s what we do..
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria ‘s Secret girls, don’t expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of
them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a
fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like
nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle,
besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an
answer you don’t want to hear!

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine…Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes..

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

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